The Most Obnoxious Email EVAH

So this is an old one, but something I read the other day reminded me of it, and it’s always great to share because you guys, this dude is a total fuckmuppet. And as alla y’all know, when I encounter someone online who is this much of an asshat, I love to publicly denounce their douchiness. Honestly, I wish I still had the original email, which was from around 2010, because I’d share his name with you. Alas, we shall just have to call him Captain Bag O’Dicks.

Captain Bag O’Dicks writes in with one of the most obnoxious emails ever. He says, “How come there are so many fat people in the Pagan community? Every time I go to a Pagan event, there are a ton of people who are out of shape, sometimes to the point that they have to be in a wheelchair, and who clearly don’t take very good care of themselves. For a group of people who claim to understand personal responsibility there are way too many people who obviously aren’t taking responsibility for their own health. Also, if these people practice magic, why aren’t they using it to benefit their own well being so the rest of us don’t have to deal with it? If I was someone new to the Pagan community I’d be scared off by the fact that everyone seems to be morbidly obese. It makes me not want to go to events at all.”

Honestly, Captain Bag O’Dicks, it’s amazing that anyone invites you to anything. I sure as hell wouldn’t.

Pagans come in all shapes and sizes, and for you to decide that a Pagan event should never be polluted by the shades of overweight individuals, makes me think that perhaps the Pagan community isn’t the right place for you at all. Here’s why:

• If you’re interested in fat-shaming, you’re barking up the wrong tree writing to me about it. I’ve got thousands of readers, and some are overweight. Some are underweight. Some are healthy. Some are not. It’s really none of your business. Frankly, unless you are someone’s doctor, it’s not up to you to decide what’s right for them.
• No one joined a Pagan group so they could meet with your approval. In fact, many people became Pagans because they found a sense of acceptance there that they were unable to find in other spiritual communities. And guess what? None of it has to do with you.
• You don’t know anyone’s personal history. If someone is in a wheelchair–and we’ve got plenty of disabled Pagans, none of whom need your approval–it can be for a variety of reasons. Many of those reasons are things you can’t see. Also, you don’t know what magical efforts someone has already made on their own behalf. Know why? Because it’s none of your damn business.
• Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. While you may find it offensive to look at someone who is bigger than average, plenty of people recognize that physical beauty comes in many forms and sizes. Not only that, self-acceptance is sexy. A person who is comfortable in their own skin is far more attractive than, say, someone who goes around being judgmental of others’ appearance. Like, I dunno… let me think here… you? I mean really, I’m a woman who tends to battle the same 25 pounds all the time, but you know what? I’ve never had any trouble getting action, trust me.
• If someone is “scared off” by the presence of people who look different from them, they’re not welcome in my circle in the first place. They’re probably not welcome at a lot of events.
• Most Pagans don’t give a damn what you think of their appearance. In other words, get over yourself, Captain Bag O’Dicks.

If you want to only hang out with people who meet your standards of physical beauty, you’re certainly entitled to. And obviously, if you’ve got your Tinder profile set to say NO FAT PPL, well, hey, buddy, you do you. But you don’t get to walk into an already existing community of people who are perfectly happy without your approval, and demand that they change themselves just to make you feel better.