Stop With the Emotions, Laydeez!

First, I need to preface this by saying I kind of struggled with whether or not I wanted to share my thoughts on this, and that’s because I know for a fact that several of my friends think the article I’m about to discuss is a really good one. I know this because they’ve shared it on various social media thingies.

And then after about eleven seconds of waffling, I said, “Nah, fuck it, Imma write it anyway,” because, gentle reader, I have no internal monologue filter.

So there’s this couple named Gary and Joy Lundberg who write articles about marriage, and I’ll be the first to admit I’m completely unfamiliar with their past work. They appear to write a lot of stuff with a fairly Biblical slant, and while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that, I’m hardly their target reader demographic. Recently several of my friends shared this article of the Lundbergs’ called 7 Signs You’re Being Too Emotional For Your Husband.

Not gonna lie, when I saw the title it was almost like the brzzzzzzrrpp? of a record-scratch in my brain. “Well,” I thought to myself, “what delightful fuckery could this be?”

The long and the short of it, ladies, is if your husband stays out longer than he should, doesn’t listen to you when he is home, loses his temper, and stops telling you the truth… well, damn it, it’s your fault because you’re too emotionally needy.

I. Can’t. Even.

Their advice includes this gem at the end: Learn how to take control of your emotions. In essence, take care of yourself by eating properly. Get enough sleep. Take breaks now and then — even just a walk in the sunshine can help keep your emotions in check. Make the effort, and not only will your man love you for it but your life will be much happier.

If you’d just take a minute, girls, to get a decent night’s sleep and stop eating foods that make you fat…

I’m not going to bother ranting on a point by point case about all the fuckery that’s wrong with this advice, but I’m going to take the liberty of correcting it:

Learn how to take control of your emotions. Say what you feel, and be honest about it. In essence, take care of yourself by eating properly by doing things that make you happy, which may include eating properly, or it might include lying on the couch eating ice cream. Get enough sleep, not for your spouse’s benefit, but your own. Take breaks now and then — even just a walk in the sunshine can help keep your emotions in check make you feel better. Make the effort, Be yourself, and not only will if your man doesn’t love you for it, then he’s not someone you need in your life anyway. Be who you want to be, even if that includes wearing your emotions on your sleeve, and your life will be much happier.

Yes, ladies, if your husband is doing any or all of these seven things, help him to be a better man by changing your emotional responses to him. Keep that stuff in check! No one wants a woman who is emotional! And when you do start bottling things up and not talking anymore because you’ve just stopped caring or feeling, remember these two bits of advice:

1. The Xanax is in the cupboard.
2. If you hit him in the head with a shovel, you can sob and point out that you’ve let your emotions get the best of you once again. After all, it’s what women do, right?