Simple Spell to Get a Job

I first crafted this working nigh on twenty-five years ago, and have offered it up in various incarnations since then — a number of people have used it in its many forms, and it’s usually pretty darn successful. I truly think the reason it’s successful is because, frankly, it’s EASY. Like, stupid simple. You don’t have to have much magical experience to make this work for you, although obviously understanding why it works is always beneficial. This is a spell to do after you’ve scheduled an interview — which means you still gotta do some real, mundane work, like filling out applications, tidying up your resume, etc. If you can’t be arsed to do those things, you have no business trying to do magic — because even thought spellwork can be simple, it ain’t for the lazy or unmotivated. Anyhoo, here you go:

Do this spell during the waxing moon, if possible — the phase in which we draw things to us — but in a pinch, do it when you need it. You’re going to use the following:

• 2 green candles, to represent prosperity
• An inscribing tool
• Letterhead from the company you want to work for
• Fabric, needle, and thread to make a poppet
• Stuffing
• Something that represents the company (a product they make, an image of a service they offer, etc.)

Start with the green candles — use your inscribing tool to mark them with the salary range you’re looking for, with one candle representing the lowest you’ll take, and the other marked with the high end for your skill set and job requirements. After all, there’s no point in accepting the job if the salary isn’t right. Light the candles and place them on either side of your work station.

Sitting between them, cut out your poppet shapes and begin stitching them together. Do this by hand, because it’s super relaxing and helps infuse the magic. As you stitch, talk to the poppet, who represents the interviewer — this is one reason why it’s great to get the name of the person you’ll be interviewing with. Have a nice long chat as you sew, telling Mr. or Ms. Interviewer what a great worker you are, how dedicated you are, and that hiring you would be one of the best things they could do for their company. Feel free to throw in performance metrics and specific numbers if you like, explaining how you can save them money, make them money, or change a process to make their business run more efficiently. When you’re almost done sewing, fill your poppet with the stuffing, and add the letterhead, just so the universe is clear on which company you’re hoping to land the gig with.

Place your interviewer poppet in a place where you’ll see them every day, along with the item that represents the company — perhaps it’s a toy bus to represent a transportation company, or a package of tortillas to symbolize that taco truck you’re dying to hustle at. Every time you walk past your poppet, say hello. Be professional, and mention what a great opportunity it would be for the company if you came to work for them. Good morning, Susan, just a reminder that my territory had over $3 million dollars in sales last quarter! Have a great day! Be confident — remember, you have to sell yourself as the ideal candidate for the role.

Do this every day for three days up until the interview, and for up to six days afterwards — if you get a call before that sixth day, be sure to thank your interviewer poppet, and show up for work your first day on the job ready to take on the world.