Plan a Cemetery Visit for Samhain

In many cultures, the late fall is a time in which the dead are honored with great ceremony. There are a number of ways you can do this, and if you’re fortunate enough to have your kinfolk buried nearby, you can incorporate a visit at your family’s cemetery into your Samhain festivities. My family isn’t buried anywhere near me, so I’ve sort of adopted the cemetery up the road from me, which is where a previous owner of my house is buried, along with several generations of her family. I walk up there every couple of weeks just to do some maintenance, say hello, and leave small offerings. I also discovered a fourth cousin buried in a graveyard about half an hour from me, so I stop in periodically to visit him when I’m in the neighborhood, clean up around his headstone, and leave him the occasional bottle of whisky — it doesn’t appear anyone else is taking care of him, so I’ve made that my job. He’s one headstone out of several thousand, but I’ve claimed him, and I’ll be visiting him on Samhain in particular.

Headstone Cleanup

Start by cleaning up headstones. Pluck or trim any overgrown grass or weeds from around the gravesite or sites. To clean a headstone, be sure to check with the cemetery operators (if you can find them) about any cleaning policies. In general, a good guideline is that if a headstone is made of marble, limestone or or sandstone, you can use water (bring a couple of gallon jugs along) and a SOFT nylon bristle brush. For older headstones, which may crumble from age when you clean them, water alone may be your best bet. A headstone that is cracked or damaged shouldn’t be cleaned at all, at the risk of causing more damage. Do the best you can with what you’ve got — but for more detail on how conservationists suggest you clean an old stone, read here: Association for Gravestone Studies.

If you’d like to make a grave rubbing of a headstone, read here: How to Make a Grave Rubbing. Keep in mind you should always follow the rules of the cemetery. Remember that while doing a rubbing usually doesn’t cause damage to headstones, particularly newer ones, there are certain precautions you need to take. If a stone is worn or crumbling, pass on it. Rubbing an already-damaged stone can cause it to flake and chip to the point where it’s irreparable. Instead, choose stones in good condition – the best results come from either polished granite stones or solid slate markers. If there’s any doubt about the condition of the stone, don’t use it for a rubbing.

Cemetery Supper

In a lot of communities, a huge part of visiting a cemetery involves a meal. It’s not morbid at all — in fact, it’s a joyful celebration that includes family members who have crossed over. You can pack up a picnic supper, and visit your family at the cemetery while you eat. Some ideas you might try:

• Bring loaves of sweet, dessert breads, which are traditional in many cultures, as a Samhain offering.
• If you know a particular family member really loved a favorite dish, include that as part of your picnic supper.
• Be sure to bring an extra plate for each of your beloved dead – they are with you in spirit, and should be offered a seat at the table (or picnic blanket).
• You can either make your picnic formal and serious, like the Dumb Supper, or joyous and fun — it’s up to you.
• Consider singing songs — if you have drums or a guitar, bring them along, and after you’ve eaten, sing your family’s favorite tunes to serenade your ancestors. If you know the traditional folk songs of your family’s culture, this is a great time to share them — and if you don’t know them, now is a good time to learn and pass on the traditions.