Deities and Gender

A reader writes in asking,

“I read that people can’t connect to a deity of the opposite gender as easily as they can connect to deity of the same gender. Does this mean that one gender can’t be as spiritual as another? Or does it mean that the god and goddess are not equal?

I’m not sure where you read this information, but my opinion is that it’s patently false, for a couple of reasons. Actually, let’s break your question down a bit, because it’s multifaceted.

Your first question is, “Can a person connect to a deity of the opposite gender as easily as they can one of the same gender?” Yes, absolutely. You’ll meet many women who honor a male deity, and plenty of men who follow a female one. I don’t think it’s a question so much of “which is easier,” but of “which deity reaches out to us.” As to whether one gender is more spiritual than another, it goes without saying that anyone can be a spiritual person, in any degree, regardless of gender. That having been said, you’ll find that among the Pagan community there are far more women than men, but that’s not because women are more spiritual. It’s because Paganism embraces the feminine as equal to the masculine — something that’s lacking in a lot of monotheistic religions — and so more women tend to be drawn to Pagan paths.

Also, keep in mind that gender is a social construct, not a biological one — society has conditioned us to think genitalia = gender, but that’s not the case. Gender is how we feel about ourselves and express ourselves; it’s a spectrum, and everyone hovers somewhere on that spectrum. Some of us identify as the gender that matches the genitals we were born with, others were given the wrong plumbing. Gender identity can change over time — it’s not fixed — and some people are both male and female, others are non-binary and don’t identify with either. So if we forget for a few minutes about that whole “two gender” binary thingie, then there’s really no such thing as “opposite” at all, is there? We simply have other points on the spectrum.

Additionally, the gods don’t follow the same set of social mores as we mere mortals do. Because they’re deities. They do their own thing. And for plenty of them, gender is a pretty fluid state. Read enough mythologies, and you’ll encounter gods that shift between male and female when the whim strikes them and others that are androgynous. Ishtar, the Mesopotamian goddess of sex and war and fertility sometimes sported a beard and could change men into women. The Egyptian god Hapi, who was responsible for the Nile flooding each year, was depicted with features of both men and women — facial hair and large breasts. In Hinduism, Shiva is portrayed as male on one side of the body, and female on the other. Loki, in Norse myth, is a shapeshifter — and sometimes that shifting involves moving between a female body and a male.

As to whether “the god and goddess” are equal, that’s a bit more complex to answer. In some Pagan belief systems, there is simply a god and goddess, and they are nameless and equal. In other systems, the god may be a consort of the goddess, and she takes the higher seat, superior to her male counterpart. However, many Pagan traditions don’t hold to the “all gods are one” notion at all, and in these paths the gods and goddesses have individual names and aspects. In such cases, it’s not a question of equality, but of who the practitioner has chosen to honor. Let’s say you follow a Celtic path, and you personally honor Brighid. Does that make her better than, or superior to Cernunnos or Lugh? No — it simply means that she is the deity you connect with best.

The bottom line is that if you feel a connection to a deity — whether male, female, both, or neither — be thankful that you’ve had the experience. Think about why that particular deity has selected you, and how you can honor him, her, or them in a way that is appropriate. After all, we don’t choose the gods — they choose us.