Self-Care Sundays: Cleaning House

I spent yesterday cleaning out my garage—or at least, the building that would be a garage if my driveway wasn’t weird and I could actually get a car up it and through the doors—because in the two years I’ve lived here it’s become a giant storage shed full of stuff I keep thinking I’ll maybe use some day.

Who am I kidding? Other than the lawnmower and some camping equipment, I ain’t using anything that’s out there. Since we’re all stuck Quarantinalandia right now, my daughter and I decided the storage building/notgarage should become a weight room—after all, our gym has been closed for weeks and who knows when it will reopen. So we spent the whole day decluttering and organizing. There are now three piles: a small one, of boxes that contain things I need to keep, a medium sized one of things I can throw away once my trash can is empty again, and a Very Large Pile Indeed of stuff I’m going to donate to the local Goodwill when they reopen.

Here’s what got me thinking, though. There are a LOT of things we can get rid of, and it’s more than just cartons of books we’ll never read again or a box of home decor from fifteen years ago. There’s a ton of stuff that benefits us to eliminate, in our self-care journey. Now don’t get me wrong, this isn’t me chirping NO BAD VIBES because that’s annoying and a bit gaslighty—don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t feel bad about stuff. Struggling and experiencing pain is part of our growth process—if you’re keeping something because you’re trying to work through it, you do that at your own pace, and no one should tell you you’re wrong for doing so. What I’m talking about is about learning from our baggage—the junk we’re READY to get rid of—and figuring out how to make a conscious choice in the way it impacts us.

• Self Doubt: Remember “if you believe it, you can achieve it”? What’s the opposite of that? In other words, whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right either way.

• Excuses: I can’t, it’ll never work, I don’t know how. Yes you can, yes it will, and you can learn. There are reasons, and there are excuses. Which ones are you using?

• Negative Habits: I’m not here to tell you which habits you should get rid of—because I know I’ve got a few of my own that others might look down upon. A negative habit is determined not by the action itself, but how it makes you feel. I don’t care if you smoke—but if you smoke so that it’s making you miserable, it’s negative. I don’t care if you drink—gods know I like my whisky on the weekends—but if you wake up feeling like dogshit every morning because you tied one on, it’s a negative.

• Self-Sabotaging Behavior: Are you doing things that are deliberately destructive? Sometimes we self-sabotage because the alternative is taking risks. Take the time to evaluate what you’re doing and figure out how it impacts you long-term.

• Mindset Of Low Self Worth: If you truly believe you’re too dumb, too smart, too fat, too thin, too old, too young… then you’ll act like you are. Don’t worry about being too much or not being enough. You got this, and you’re not too anything, except amazing.

• Playing Small: What’s your big picture? What’s your long-term goal? Set up a vision board and figure out where you want to be. Make a five year plan, or a three year plan, or even a six month plan. Then work backwards to figure out your strategy.

• Swallowing Your Truth: Honesty without tact is just cruelty. Tell people what you feel and what you think, but do it in a way that’s civil and kind and constructive, so you don’t have to apologize later for being an asshole.

• Trying To Keep Everyone Happy: Moms especially, this one’s for you. You can’t keep everyone happy. It’s statistically impossible. What you can do is encourage healthy coping mechanisms for when people don’t get what they want—including yourself.

• Staying In Your Comfort Zone: Want to feel stagnant? Stick with the familiar. Live with a sense of purpose and do something you’ve never done. Go back to school, go ziplining, pet a stranger’s big shaggy dog.

• Giving A Damn What Others Think: This goes back to knowing that your value isn’t based upon the opinions of others. There are a handful of people in this world that I ask for ideas and input and opinions, and I value them greatly. Should you even give a shit about what Karen from middle school says about you on Facebook? Probably not. Just let it slide, and cultivate a circle of people you care for and value, and who care for and value you in return.

Want to learn more about some radical self-care ideas? Check out my book Witchcraft for Healing: Radical Self-Care for Your Mind, Body, and Spirit, available November 10, 2020!